Picture menus: sin or savvy?

Many restauranteurs would probably argue that pictures on a menu are just an outright abomination to the profession (Gordon Ramsey, for one). You don’t see any upscale restaurants with pictures on their menu, just a detailed description of the dish. To be sure, pictures on menus are reminiscent of fast food joints.

“I’ll take the combo #2, super-sized.” No description needed, the picture says it all.

“mmphogclakm zpechtorflam” is the reply from the speaker (that means “pull up” in drive-thru speak).

Is it a sin to have pictures on a menu? Any one of us can probably recall off the top of our head at least five restaurants we’ve been to with pictures on the menu (let’s see: Chili’s, Denny’s, Red Robin…hmm, all franchises - interesting). Do these restaurants know something that other restauranteurs don’t? I would venture to say that restaurants actually sell more of the pictured items, but I haven’t seen any data on this. Let me tell you what I think.

Fennel: the Devil seed

Can you imagine the first caveman who yanked a fennel plant from the roadside and decided that the funny little brown seeds would be a great addition to sausage? (When I say “caveman” I probably mean “Italian”)

“What is fennel?” you might ask. I call it the devil seed. I remember the first time I bit into one of these suckers. I was enjoying an all-meat pizza (can’t remember where at) and I was gobbling up the last bits of scrap left on the pizza pan. I recall reaching for a small sausage ball and wondering what that interesting little seed was that was poking out of the side, yet unwittingly categorizing it as merely a part of the spices and seasonings. Thinking back to this gastronomically momentous yet insipid moment, it all seems to go by in slow motion…

Two fingers delicately pinch the sausage bit and makes its way towards my pizza hole [insert dream sequence here]

I can see it now, just like in the movies: the beautiful woman picks up the poisoned drink, known to be tainted only by the protagonist, her lover. He glances her direction and sees that she has unwittingly picked up the martini with the poisoned olive. The entire scene is in slow motion; the edges blur as the protagonist rushes toward her, screaming “Noooo.” But its too late.

The 4 horsemen of the Chinese Buffet: fake, famine, foul, & frigid

I hate Chinese buffets for several reasons:

• The food is not really Chinese;
• Most of the food is cold;
• The food tastes Nasty;
• A ton of food is thrown away;
• They are expensive, in order to make up for all the thrown away food.

This past weekend my family traveled a few hours out of town to visit some extended family. Upon arriving, it is customary for the entire family to go out to a restaurant to eat dinner. All in all there were eight adults and five children this time around and to be honest, it makes things a lot easier for a group this size to eat at a buffet. No time needs to be spent with menus and no time wasted to start eating either - just get up and load up.

And you know what? I’m normally pretty excited when I see the array of food I’m about to indulge in. I mean, out of the 75 or so selections, I’m bound to find a couple that I like. Right? Right??? Well, disappointingly, no. Let me work through my list above real quick.

First of all, if these restaurants actually served authentic Chinese cuisine, no one would come.

Mitt Romney Pot Pie

“What kind of pot pie” you might ask, is Mitt giving up a recipe to? Well, none actually, and that is the point.

Imagine being served a beautifully baked pot pie, but not being told what is in it. It could be beef, or chicken, or veggies, or kidneys (no offense to kidney lovers). But, this is exactly what happened during Gov. Romney’s “religion” speech about 1-1/2 weeks ago. Some might call his speech just a cleverly veiled façade, intended to garner support from the religious right, but not give enough detail to actually turn them away. Others might say that Mitt is no different than many Americans who call themselves religious, who see no difference between the god they worship and the god everyone else worships. So, before I continue, let me explain that this is still a food blog, as witnessed by the title. Nevertheless, I do feel compelled to comment on other things every now and then (politics, religion, etc.). In keeping with the theme, then, I will still attempt to work in the food angle.

In his speech, Mitt answered what he believes is the most fundamental question he is asked: What he believes about Jesus Christ. His answer: